Over the garden fence

Re: Rude neighbours

headfullofbees — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 09:07:26 GMT

I would heartily endorse this THF's strategy.

My post was in jest, to give a light-hearted view.

You sound quite shy, Poppy, but try to make these people your friends.

They may be (awkwardly) commenting positively on all the hard work you put into your garden.

Re: Rude neighbours

The Hedge Folk — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 11:30:49 GMT

Sounds to me like they're lonely and bad conversationalists. Not a surprising combination.

I've been on several of these courses and they've made my family life sooooo much easier. We have all the usual family bother, plus a range of religions or lack thereof and ethnicities, so we have plenty of occasion for escalating banter.

I "used the techniques" on a former neighbour right after he kicked in my front door (it wasn't garden related). I turned the violent situation around with the power of Non Violent Communication and I'm certain that I avoided a fight in my front hallway. The chap in question is an amatuer boxer whose family left him due to his bouts of rage, so I'm very confident in the principle!

It's amazing what feelings and needs people can hide behind their snidey language.

Or they could just be doo doo heads from the planet wazzock.

Have fun,

Re: Rude neighbours

Mark — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 09:43:54 GMT

Its not good to get rude with them. Just keep silence. Let them murmur what they want. Remember that Silence is the best policy.

Re: Rude neighbours

PoppySeed — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 18:14:11 GMT

It would be lovely to have neighbours like yours John. Either my neighbours have paved over the front garden so I never see them, or they're elderly and have a gardener. The neighbours who get me down have paved the front garden and put lots of tubs out (which admittedly look lovely), and they have a gardener as well for the back. It's the husband who's always coming and going, and passing comments, and he's always saying is why don't I get a gardener like they do and why don't I pave it over and put tubs out like they do, and why don't I... etc. What I'd really love to say is why doesn't he mind his own business but I haven't got the nerve. I know it sounds petty to be bothered by it, but as a few people have said, it's the repetitiveness of it that wears you down after a while :( Thankfully it's winter now so problem shelved for the moment!

Re: Rude neighbours

John99 — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 11:28:17 GMT

PoppySeed, I can understand how the mindless repetitiveness of it will get you down. I am lucky in that my neighbour opposite is always in her front garden too and we swap plants and vegetables and look after each other's watering when one of us is away. Maybe your neighbours don't know anything about gardening and are daunted by your enthusiasm. Why not try offering them a plant from your garden with some friendly advice on how to care for it? You may make a couple of converts.

Re: Rude neighbours

headfullofbees — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 07:57:39 GMT

Yup!

Hopefully they take the hint, and you may even get your garden dug for you...

Re: Rude neighbours

PoppySeed — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 08:46:41 GMT

ROFL love it! :D

Re: Rude neighbours

headfullofbees — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 08:32:11 GMT

Answer: All these weeds; I should have buried the previous neighbours elsewhere.

Re: Rude neighbours

PoppySeed — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 07:47:44 GMT

Hi Arrem

Yes, I've considered whether I'm being too sensitive, and that's why I've put up with it for most of the summer. And as I said in my first post, I'm cross with myself for letting it bother me. But I've had enough. It's spoiling the pleasure of being in my own garden, and I wish it didn't, but it does, so I'm going to put a stop to it, the only question being how best to do it.

Re: Rude neighbours

Arrem — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 18:29:00 GMT

My two pennyworth,

I can understand how it might get you down when you truly believe they are being offensive.

From what's been written all I see are neighbours who are making, what they think, is inoffensive small talk. However sad and pointless it is, it may be the best they can manage. Dare I say that unless I've missed the point completely, you might want to consider whether you are being just a little too sensitive?

Just in case they are just ignorant nasty people, you could spend the cold dark days of Winter making a sign to take out with you when weeding which reads,

"Yes I'm out here again.

Yes, I'm still at it" and

No it's not finished."

Re: Rude neighbours

PoppySeed — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 09:13:59 GMT

Thanks for your thoughts, Sian. I think you're right on a number of counts, and I'm going to have to be more assertive. They were away for a few days last week and I managed to get the front bed finished, hopefully for the winter, and next Spring I'll have to nip it in the bud, which is where I think I went wrong this time. They're neighbours who live opposite so at least I have the back garden to potter around in as I please!

You'll be glad to hear I'm not in Dony though, Ian :D

Re: Rude neighbours

the fishes friend ian — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 07:51:55 GMT

hi scott the misses was a scott before we married father fom racecourse area intake rd i think but seen sense and moved to wales could have been worse he might have been english but a rude yorkshire man never ,ian

Re: Rude neighbours

Scott — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 23:40:14 GMT

I suppose someone has to live in Balby in Doncaster...

Re: Rude neighbours

sian — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 10:29:14 GMT

Poppyseed,

Maybe I'm imagining it, but it seems possible that whereas your neighbours are of mature years, you might be quite a bit younger. Also, it seems to be the case that it's usually just you sitting out there doing your weeding. If either or both assumptions are correct, it might be a case of two possibly-not-very-kind or possibly-not-too-bright people ganging up - possibly inadevertently, let's be generous - on one person on her own who might appear to be a bit vulnerable - eg young, too polite to tell someone older where to go and so on. And when we get on a bit, we tend not to like changes in our familar surroundings. Maybe your being out there feels like an intrusion into a space they're used to having entirely to themselves, or in some other way feels to them like a new situation they're not happy with.

Most of us don't want to be rude to people, but if this situation is really upsetting you - and it seems to be - what you don't want to do is start thinking you just have to put up with it. Don't let them think they can push you around, which is what they seem to be doing at present. What I'd do is not respond to whatever they say to you other than in the most cursory manner. When the next comment comes your way, just grunt, say something short and non-commital - 'yes', 'no', 'maybe', for example, but don't stop what you're doing and engage in conversation. This is you taking charge and refusing to play the game, and they'll almost certainly realise pretty soon that you can stand up for yourself and will not respond to sniping. Then if at some future point they want to engage with you more politely, you can choose whether to enter a conversation or not.

On the other hand, they may just be not very good at small talk and you're mistaking habitual bluntness for rudeness.

You could also take steps to make a barrier and reduce your visibility: put up trellis and plant climbers, or install a big clump of bamboo or something.

Re: Rude neighbours

the fishes friend ian — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 08:36:49 GMT

hi poopyseed hope they not wifes relatives they live in balby in dony