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Kirstie Allsopp, gilded pears and telly rage

Posted by Dawn Isaac on 11 Dec 2009 at 03:09 PM

I was shouting at the TV screen last night - a lot.  Unfortunately, I quite often suffer from 'telly rage', and its closely related anger issue - 'radio rage'.  The latter is usually aimed at some politician on the Today programme as they avoid answering the question yet again.  The former is reserved for certain Cbeebies programmes and, of course, Kirstie Allsopp.

I know this sounds harsh.  I mean, I'm sure she's a lovely person and I really rather liked her and Phil on Location, Location, Location even when they were pretending to have a pseudo marital tiff every five minutes.  However, I'm afraid her Homemade Christmas has sent me over the edge.

The premise seemed right up my street - avoiding the shop bought extravagances in favour of handmade and personal touches to the festive season.  But then she goes on to show you some extremely talented artisans creating expensive luxury items which you couldn't even begin to contemplate without some pricey raw materials, specialist tools and about 15 years of experience.

The point where I really lost it was when she gilded pears in 24 carat gold leaf as a means of creating place settings.  Tell you what Kirstie, why not just tell your guests where they're sitting rather than torturing innocent fruit in the manner of a Bond villain.

The most annoying part of it all is that there are many, many easy ways to decorate your family's Christmas table without recourse to a second mortgage.  Just look in your garden for a start.  You can place ivy or holly down the centre of a table.  If you remember to save allium heads or you've collected walnuts or pine cones, just spray them gold or silver to add some bling to the greenery.  I have even used ivy leaves, decorated with a metallic pen, to label individual crackers, although, on reflection, that does sound a bit weird.

Anyway, enough of this.  Big Cook Little Cook is about to start and I need to do some more shouting.  I mean how can they begin to run a cafe with so few covers?  And don't get me started on their lack of food preparation...

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